Divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences in a child's life. It brings changes to the family dynamic, living arrangements, and emotional security that children rely on. While parents may see divorce as a necessary end to a relationship, for children it often introduces confusion, instability, and distress. In South Africa, legal safeguards and custody laws are designed to minimise the psychological harm children may face during and after divorce.

This article explores the emotional effects of divorce on children, how South African family law aims to protect them, and the legal tools available to ensure their well-being and stability during this transition.

Understanding the Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children

Common Emotional Responses

Children respond to divorce in different ways depending on their age, personality, and the level of conflict between parents. Common emotional and psychological reactions include:

• Anxiety and fear about the future, especially when uncertain about where they will live or who will care for them.
• Sadness and grief over the loss of the family unit.
• Anger or resentment toward one or both parents.
• Feelings of guilt, particularly if the child believes they played a role in the breakup.
• Loyalty conflicts—feeling torn between two parents.
• Behavioural changes, such as withdrawal, aggression, or declining school performance.

Long-Term Impact Without Intervention

Without proper support and intervention, the effects of divorce can lead to:

• Lower self-esteem and trust issues.
• Struggles with future relationships and commitment.
• Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.
• Continued conflict with one or both parents, especially in high-conflict custody battles.

Legal Framework for Protecting Children During Divorce

In South Africa, the legal system recognises the importance of protecting children during divorce. The cornerstone of all legal decisions concerning children is the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, which states that the best interests of the child must be the primary consideration in any matter involving a minor.

Key Legal Principles

• Best Interests of the Child: Courts consider emotional, educational, social, and psychological needs when determining parenting arrangements.
• Equal Parental Responsibilities: Both parents are encouraged to remain involved in the child’s life, unless it is not in the child’s best interest.
• Minimising Disruption: The law aims to maintain continuity and stability for children during the transition.
• Child Participation: Depending on their age and maturity, children may express their views about where they wish to live.

Custody Laws in South Africa

South African law does not use the terms “custody” and “access” anymore. These have been replaced with more child-centred terms:

• Care: Refers to where and with whom the child lives.
• Contact: Refers to the time the child spends with the other parent.
• Guardianship: Relates to legal decisions regarding the child’s upbringing.

Types of Parenting Arrangements

• Shared Care (Joint Parenting): The child lives with both parents according to an agreed schedule.
• Primary Care with Contact: One parent provides the primary home, while the other has regular contact rights.
• Supervised Contact: If one parent poses a risk, visitation may occur under supervision.

The courts do not automatically favour mothers or fathers. Each case is assessed individually based on the child’s best interests.

Parenting Plans as a Legal Safeguard

A parenting plan is a legally recognised agreement between divorcing or separated parents that outlines how they will share responsibilities for the child. It can reduce conflict, protect the child’s well-being, and bring structure to post-divorce parenting.

Parenting Plans Typically Cover:

• Living arrangements and the child’s daily routine.
• Schooling, health care, religion, and other major decisions.
• Time spent with each parent.
• Holidays and special occasions.
• Methods of resolving future disagreements.

If parents cannot agree, the court may refer them to a mediator or family advocate.

Role of the Office of the Family Advocate

The Office of the Family Advocate plays a vital role in safeguarding children during divorce proceedings. This government body investigates custody arrangements and provides recommendations to the court.

The Family Advocate considers:

• The child’s emotional and physical safety.
• The ability of each parent to provide a stable and loving environment.
• The child’s preferences (where appropriate).
• The level of conflict between parents.

The Family Advocate’s report helps the court make informed decisions about care and contact.

How the Court Supports Children During Divorce

The South African court system offers several mechanisms to protect children’s psychological and emotional well-being:

1. Mediation Services

Mediation can help parents resolve disputes in a way that prioritises the child’s well-being. It reduces conflict, encourages cooperation, and provides a platform for peaceful decision-making.

2. Psychological Assessments

In high-conflict cases or when abuse is alleged, the court may order psychological evaluations of the parents and child. This helps determine what arrangement will best serve the child’s mental and emotional health.

3. Expert Testimony

Child psychologists or social workers may be called to give expert opinions on how specific arrangements will affect the child psychologically.

What Parents Can Do

While legal safeguards play a crucial role, parents also have a direct influence on their child’s emotional adjustment to divorce. The following steps can reduce long-term psychological harm:

• Maintain routine and structure to give children a sense of security.
• Avoid involving children in conflict or legal discussions.
• Never use the child as a messenger or leverage.
• Encourage a healthy relationship with the other parent, unless safety is a concern.
• Seek counselling or support for children struggling to cope.
• Keep communication open and age-appropriate, so children understand the changes taking place.

When Relocation Becomes a Factor

Relocation by one parent after divorce—such as moving to another city or country—can further affect the child’s stability. If not handled with care, this can heighten feelings of loss or abandonment. In such cases:

• The relocating parent must obtain consent from the other parent or apply to court.
• Courts will weigh the benefits of the move against the disruption to the child’s existing life.
• Parenting plans may need to be revised to include longer holiday stays or digital communication.

Prioritising Children in Divorce

The psychological impact of divorce on children is real and often lasting—but it can be mitigated through legal safeguards, responsible parenting, and a child-centred approach to post-divorce arrangements.

In South Africa, the law is designed to place the child’s best interests above all else, offering a legal framework that protects their emotional and psychological well-being.

Van Deventer and Van Deventer Inc. – Trusted Divorce Attorneys

Navigating divorce and custody decisions requires more than just legal paperwork—it requires compassion, clarity, and a deep understanding of family dynamics.

At Van Deventer and Van Deventer Inc., our divorce attorneys work closely with parents to develop parenting plans, guide custody arrangements, and ensure that children remain at the centre of all legal decisions. Our team has extensive experience in family law, mediation, and custody disputes, and we understand what’s at stake—your child’s well-being.

If you’re going through a divorce and need support in protecting your child’s future, speak to our dedicated legal team. We’re here to ensure that your family transitions with dignity, fairness, and the care your child deserves.